I've been 40 for 40 days times two.
Eighty days.
And since I like to review things—restaurants, experiences, humans, life decisions, coffee—I figured it was time for an honest review.
First things first: something happens every year leading up to my birthday.
I get sad.
I don't know how to explain it, but some heaviness always creeps in as August 10th approaches. And this year, I really wanted to change that. I wanted to walk into 40 feeling grateful, excited, and expectant.
Because, apparently, nobody believes I'm 40 anyway.
Shout out to genetics. A skin routine. Mostly, minding my business and drinking my water.
But I am, in fact, 40, and I wanted to celebrate that.
The Birthday: 8/10
I planned a birthday dinner and was genuinely honored that people showed up.
I have some not-so-great birthday memories, and I've never really shared this one publicly.
My mom was struggling and had to take a job across the country. It's hard to talk about a shared experience while we are both still on earth, but we all have a story to tell if we want to tell it.
I remember the pain of my mom leaving and the feeling of separation that came with it. Looking back, I think there was an abandonment wound that deepened as I watched her leave the only childhood home I knew, heading for a bus to travel out west on my 15th birthday.
The wound wasn't created there, but I carried that part of my story for a very long time.
And here's something I've come to understand:
The body remembers.
I think some part of me has remembered that birthday for years—crying on the steps uncontrollably while I waited for my friend's mother to come pick me and the last of my things up.
Maybe that's why, even as an adult, I still get sad around my birthday.
I've had to be intentional about changing that narrative. Reminding myself that I am loved. That I am cared for. That I am surrounded by people who show up for me.
And in recent years, when the world wants to remind you that you are getting up there, I have to remind myself that aging is a gift.
I wanted to enter my 40s believing all of those things.
So, birthday dinner it was.
I invited a few ladies to one of my favorite restaurants in the city. My dear sister-friend Ebony, whom I've known since I first moved to the East Coast, gifted me a beautiful birthday cake.
There were gifts. Money. Thoughtful gestures. So much love.
And then there was one of my sisters.
She had left town, and when I walked into my office in the home that we share, I found all these beautiful pink boxes, birthday surprises, and handwritten notes of encouragement that she had left behind.
And I cried.
Like a baby.
It was one of those moments when you realize how much it means to be thought of, appreciated, considered, and loved.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a pretty good way to start 40.
Now, the restaurant?
Let's just say that establishment shall remain nameless because, like my favorite kiss that sweeps me off my feet, I didn't want to have to give it up.
But after this, I might have to.
The service was disappointing enough to put a damper on an otherwise beautiful evening, so I may have to lay this restaurant to rest.
Speaking Up: 10/10
But you know what 40 has given me?
I'm going to say something.
If something bothers me, I'll speak up. I'm going to communicate. I'm going to put it out there.
Now, sometimes my words take time to find me, but when they do, I say it.
So I went home and wrote an email to the restaurant about the experience.
They followed up. They wanted to make it right. They invited me back.
The ability to advocate for myself without feeling like I need to swallow my feelings just to keep the peace?
10/10.
Body: 8/10
Now, this department?
We're doing pretty good.
I've been consistently working out since last year, and I genuinely feel great.
Am I the smallest I've ever been?
No, and small isn't the goal.
Am I the strongest I've ever been?
ABSOLUTELY.
I feel good.
My back isn't bothering me. I'm not sweating walking a block. Tragic. I'm stronger than I've ever been, and one of the biggest surprises is that I feel better at 40 than I did at 30.
The consistency, strength, discipline, and relationship I'm building with my body have been some of the best parts of this journey.
Body department gets an 8/10.
Finances: 4/10
Now, let's get into the part nobody wants to talk about.
Financially, I'm not where I want to be.
I keep saying to myself, This is not where I thought I would be at 40.
And honestly?
It kind of sucks.
There is a version of 40 that I imagined for myself, and financially, this isn't quite it.
But God is always good.
Always.
You can be grateful and still acknowledge that there are things you want to change.
Both things can be true.
So financially, 40 gets a solid 4/10 so far.
There is room for improvement and also room for a trust fund if one lands in my lap one day.
We'll revisit this review later.
Travel: 1.2/10
Listen.
The only place I've really been traveling is in my mind.
And the views are everywhere I can think of.
But seriously, the travel department is giving real low budget.
Real low budget.
Unfortunately, this also ties back to that financial review we just discussed.
We hope to make some significant changes in the next 200-something days, because this cannot be the travel report for the entire year.
Somewhere with beautiful water.
Something!
For now, 1.2/10.
And that's me being generous.
Friendships: 9/10
Friendships at 40 have me asking one question:
Do you consider me, and have I considered you?
That's really what it comes down to for me now.
I think as I've gotten older, friendship has become less about how long I've known you and more about how we show up for each other.
I'm paying attention to reciprocity in a way I probably didn't when I was younger.
And I'm also learning that being a good friend isn't just about being available.
It's about being intentional.
So far?
Friendship at 40 gets a 9/10.
Dating & Love: Need More Data for This One
Dating at 40 has made me more bold.
And I like that about myself.
I know that I want companionship.
I want marriage.
I want romance.
I want to be loved in a way that feels intentional and mutual.
I don't want to convince somebody to love me.
I don't want to be ignored.
I want partnership.
I want somebody who actually likes me—not just somebody who likes having access to me.
Forty has made me much more willing to say that out loud.
Work & Purpose: TBD
Professionally, I don't feel like I'm exactly where I thought I'd be at 40.
But honestly, do any of us really know where we're supposed to be?
And if you do, please keep it to yourself while I sort out my emotions with God.
There are moments when I feel confident about what I'm building and have built, and moments when I wonder if I'm behind. If I should be somewhere else. If I should have made different decisions.
But I'm trying not to confuse uncertainty with failure.
Maybe being 40 isn't about having the answer.
Maybe it's about being comfortable enough to admit you don't have it yet—or that sometimes the answers change, and so do the questions.
So the work review is still pending.
Mental Health & Joy: 9/10
This one is important.
The fall season has historically been a time when I can feel myself going under a blanket and gambling all my money on DoorDash rewards.
But this year, I'm doing something different.
I'm taking the initiative to do the things that keep me on a path toward joy, love, peace, and healing.
I'm not waiting until I'm overwhelmed to take care of myself.
I'm paying attention.
I'm letting myself enjoy my life.
And I'm praying.
A lot.
Because ultimately, I know I can't control everything.
But I can choose what I do with what I've been given.
In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.
So, What Have I Learned in 80 Days?
I thought turning 40 would make me feel different.
Older, maybe.
Wiser.
More settled.
More certain.
Instead, I feel like I'm still becoming.
Call me Auntie Michelle.
And maybe that's the point.
Maybe 40 isn't about becoming somebody completely new.
Maybe it's about finally seeing the person you've been all along.
So, 80 days into being 40...
Would I recommend it?
Absolutely.
Would I recommend having everything figured out by 40?
No.
Because apparently, that is not how this works.
But I'm here.
I'm grateful.
I'm loved.